Can't Stay Away
by The Genius Mage
Summary: TerraxAqua, minor BBS spoilers. Why did she have to do that? Always act so freaking happy to see him with that freaking sunny smile of hers, as if he had made her day by greeting her. It wasn't making it easier to stay away from her. Not at all.


~*_Can't Stay Away*~_

_He couldn't leave…couldn't leave…but for her safety, he had to walk away._

_~***~_

Terra felt like someone had shredded his insides. He stared at the wall across from him without really seeing. He gazed at each individual nick in the stone and every chip that had been torn from it. He looked at the off-white color of the rock and saw nothing but his memories playing across his vision.

He never really saw anything at all.

Master Xehanort had told him that his Darkness was his greatest power. But Master Eraqus hated the Darkness; he had a devout devotion to the light after all. Why…why didn't…why did he have to be _different?_ The fury he felt at Eraqus for giving _Aqua_ the title "Master" instead of him at their Qualification Exam was tempered by the horrible knowledge that he was probably right, that his Darkness needed control.

And Xehanort said he was fighting a losing battle that he didn't even need to fight against in the first place.

_To obtain it, let go._

Terra clenched his fists, wondering if every beat of his heart in his chest was flooding his system with Darkness. Would his eyes turn yellow? Would he end up killing or hurting everyone that he loved? Was it worth escaping the pitying glances of his Master if he would only earn hateful glares from his companions _if_ he gave into the shadows?

Or would his heart beat strong and fast against the bleak blackness until the Light chased it away?

Radiant Garden's beautiful scenery and clean, grandiose streets and buildings couldn't even earn a second of Terra's attention. His world was too busy being shredded and ravaged, bit by painful bit, almost as if parts of his soul were dying within him as the clock ticked on. Ticking, tocking, always moving relentlessly forward. Soulless.

An idea, a single thought, occurred to him. If he avoided his friends, his Master, they'd not be in any danger if he collapsed into the black, never to return. He'd take his own life before he put them in harm's way. Terra squared his shoulders without opening his eyes, still leaning against the wall in the out-of-the-way alley, hearing the pedestrians pass ignorantly by. They'd be _safe_, and that was all that mattered. Safe from him.

The question was, and this bothered him, was he strong enough to walk away? Turn his back on his allies for their safety?

_I have to be,_ thought Terra. _For their sakes, it has to be as if I'd never existed. _

He wouldn't be able to totally ignore them if they found him, but Terra would never seek them out. He'd run and run until they never caught up. If he had to. His entire being balked at the idea of fleeing everything that made his life worthwhile, but he'd live on the knowledge that they were safe and happy. Somewhere _far_ from him.

_Quite the martyr, aren't we?_ Terra almost heard Xehanort's mockingly polite voice in his mind.

If he had to, so be it.

Just as Terra's resolve almost hardened, just about clicked to the point where his pride and stubbornness would never so much as twitch away from his decision, he heard _her_ voice.

"Terra!"

He paled in something like fear, stepping reluctantly from the shadows to face her. Why. Oh. God. _Why._ Why did she have to find him at this exact moment, when he was trying to work up the nerve to protect them? _Why_?

He tried to not acknowledge the part of him that was delighted at her presence.

Aqua pushed politely through the crowds, racing towards him, her lips turned up in a dazzling smile. Her silver shoulder-brace caught the sunlight and gleamed brightly, momentarily blinding him, blue hair tucked behind her ears, long sleeves flowing in the wind created by her quick flight. She stopped a foot and a half from him, her eyes positively radiant, shining with their own luminosity.

_Why does she have to do that? Seem to burn so bright that she's like her own sun._

"Terra, I'm so glad you're here!" Aqua flashed him a relieved grin. "I didn't expect to…are you okay?" She studied his facial expression anxiously.

Forcing a single word out past the thorns and briars in his throat, he choked, "Fine."

Her eyebrows met together in a soft V, her expression becoming serious. "Really."

Terra nodded curtly. "Yes. Really. How's Ven?"

"I saw him not too long ago," she replied with a shrug. "He's doing great. But…are you sure you're…"

"Yes," he retorted just a bit too sharply. He** hated** her. _Why?_ Why did she have to have such a big freaking smile all the time? Why did she have to freaking direct that smile at him? Why did he have to freaking enjoy her company, and _most importantly,_ why did she have to act like he made her entire freaking day just by greeting her?

_And why…do I keep thinking "freaking" so much?_

To make matters worse, Aqua flinched slightly at his tone. Terra exhaled heavily. How? How could he become strong enough to keep away, when his heart and soul refused to move from her side now that she was here with him? The jealousy that had seared his veins for so long had evaporated, replaced by the calming aura she exuded.

"I…I won't pry, if you don't want to tell me. But I'm willing to listen. To anything," Aqua said at last. She turned away.

Terra couldn't bear his possible last memory of Aqua being composed of her looking so melancholy. He touched her shoulder instinctively, dropping his hand with a start after realizing what he had done. She turned back to him curiously, a question in her azure eyes.

"Things…just got a little complicated. I just want some time alone for a while. No offense intended, okay?" Terra forced a smile for her, and somehow it ended up as a real one.

Aqua dipped her head. "Of course," she said coolly, her eyes never leaving his. "I'll…be at the hotel for a little bit, the one near the ice cream shop."

Terra nodded, acknowledging she was indeed there but promising nothing.

She offered him another hesitant grin before turning away once more, maybe to find Ventus this time. As she vanished into the crowds, Terra headed in the opposite direction.

_I wish I could tell you…but for your own safety…I need to stay away._

_~***~_

"Terra!"

Aqua's angry tone made him cringe, and he froze on the spot as the metallic clink of her armored shoes came closer. She grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. Terra took a step back, closing his eyes, not wanting to face her fury. He gasped in shock as she closed her fingers around his, taking both of his hands.

"Don't," she ordered unexpectedly, softly. "Don't walk away again."

"I…have things to—"

"Don't make excuses either. _Why_ are you avoiding me and Ven?" He heard the frown in her voice, the irritation that serrated the edges of her already icy tone. It was almost unbearable to hear.

Silence.

Her grip tightened. "I'm not going to leave until you tell me."

More silence.

Terra gritted his teeth as she hissed in frustration. "Terra. Please."

"Don't beg," he murmured bleakly. "Just trust me. It's better this way."

This wouldn't be the first time she had tracked him down in a world. Unfortunately, she had met him again at Radiant Garden as he retreated to the city to recuperate from a particularly draining fight against an Unversed.

Aqua didn't reply.

"What? Don't you trust me?" Terra joked pathetically.

"No."

Shock forced his eyes open, and he stared down at her, unable to get his tongue and mouth to work in order to form words.

Aqua stared at him evenly. "If you won't tell me or even Ven what it is that's keeping you from me—" She hastily added, "Us, then I'm….I can't help but wonder what…?" The question hung in the air, unformed but its meaning strangely clear.

Terra grimaced, trying to pull back, but his feet felt as if they had been anchored to the spot. He couldn't as much as twitch away from her. _If only you knew how much of a hold you have on me…_

"Well? Still won't…tell me?" She insisted softly.

The crowds of Radiant Garden seemed distant, and Terra could sense that everyone was avoiding the pair of armored teens. Regardless, he forced himself to move, dragging Aqua with him into an out-of-the-way alley. Turning back to her, he whispered, "It's me."

She gave him a quizzical look, not releasing his hands.

"It's _me_. The Darkness. It's safer if—if you stay away. _Please_."

Aqua suddenly buried her face in his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him in a firm but gentle hug. At first, Terra was planning on not reacting. He tried to act cold and indifferent to chase her away, and God, she needed to _stay_ away. Stubborn girl.

He didn't move an inch. Until she said, "No matter what happens, no matter what you do or where you go, I'll always be with you. Remember?" Aqua pulled back, holding her blue star charm aloft, and Terra's matching red one seemed to suddenly weigh like a ton of bricks in his pocket. She gave him a long, intelligent stare, her eyes scrutinizing his face for a reaction.

Terra sighed heavily. "Why? Why won't you let me leave? Don't you care about yourself at all?"

Aqua scoffed, her reply teasing. "I _am_ taking care of myself. You are me, and I'm you. When you're away…it's not the same. You're one of my best friends. Don't ever forget." Her voice became deadly serious, and she took his hands again, her fingers twining with his. "That's the truth."

He returned the pressure, and a part of his heart rejoiced. Rejoiced in the knowledge that Aqua would go chasing after him even if he tried to run. Terra wasn't yet sure if he was strong enough to stay away forever.

"Okay," he told her grudgingly. "Whatever happens, we'll face together. You're far too selfless for your own good."

Aqua gave him a sunny smile that seemed to chase away whatever Darkness was lingering in his being just by seeing it. "And you're way too criticizing of yourself! And apparently," she gave him a scowl that looked very real. "You're bad at reading people."

Terra blinked in surprise. "How?"

"You thought Ven and I would just let you walk out? Don't you know us better? I told Ven to let me talk to you before he attempted a kidnapping."

Laughing at her disgruntled expression, Terra led Aqua out of the alley, telling her they had to go find Ventus—and he needed to apologize for his pigheadedness.

Holding hands all through the wild search for the youngest of their trio.

~***~

…_**Well. I don't exactly have writer's block, my Muse is right there, *points*. It's just I needed to write something really quick to get my creativeness flowing again. As always, I appreciate reviews, but this is so crappy, I don't blame you if you don't want to.**_


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